There are two certainties in life. That we are born and that we must die. Oh and that we must also pay taxes. That makes it three certainties, but who is counting. Anyways, coming back to the first two–life and death. We are absolutely certain that we were, indeed, born. And we are absolutely certain that we will, indeed, die.
But what exactly happened before we were born and what will happen after we die? Alas! The two great certainties of life (excluding taxes, that is) are clouded in mystery. If that is the case–and I assure you that it is–can we even say that we were born and that we will die?
Oh! My mind takes me to such strange and funny places at times.
Anyone who has ever been ‘in need‘ in their life knows the complete alienation and annihilation that ensues when a soul has lost everything. In such moments, it is tempting to hold on, to hold out and to hang on.
It is in times like these, however, that we must let it all go.
To surrender is to release.
And what do we need to release? The certainty of it all.
Periods of transition, such as the days before a marriage or a period following death, are traditionally times when an individual most requires the support of his or her community. Unfortunately, what most of us experience at the point of marriage or when a loved one passes, is an upheaval that creates alienation and isolation instead of closeness and intimacy.
Why am I comparing death with marriage, you might wonder. One commemorates the start a new life and another demarcates an ending.
Let me tell you why. We have no idea what will happen after we get married anymore than we know what will happen after we pass on. For all you know, your spouse (if you bother to get married at all), could turn out to be a completely different person to what you expected.
We’ve all heard stories of how spouses seemingly change overnight. And we are not talking about small changes here–weight gain, haircut etc. We’re talking about the price charming that turns out to be a frigging frog (not the other way around). Or perhaps the lass you prized away from her father is not a fairy princess, but Medusa herself in disguise. I know how much we all love snakes and frogs. They are, after all, Mother Nature’s most beautiful creatures!
So yes, getting married is a lot like dying. You may have been a bachelor or bachelorette swept up in a life of eternal singledom, and suddenly, that life disappears as though it never happened at all. And if your parents and in-laws are pushy folk, a baby will undoubtedly be on the way shortly. And we all love crying, pooping babies! Another one of Mother Nature’s beautiful creatures!
Yes, marriage is a type of death–the death of an old life. And in a way, death is also a type of bridegroom–the reaper to whom you must surrender your old ways.
Oh c’mon, you know I’m no pessimist. I’m just stating facts here.
So let’s surrender the old and embrace the new!
Let’s get hitched and start anew…
Love of my life in all my lives… Will you marry me?